“You trust when it’s safe.”
This was the response I received from Jesus two years ago when I asked the question “why is it so hard to let go?” He reminded me that I do not trust, and when I pointed out how I am generally a trusting person, He pointed out my need for safety when giving trust. The real punch in the gut was when I realized who defined what was “safe.” Yours truly.
The way trust is used in the Bible is connected to confidence and hope. There is pure reliance when giving trust because there is complete confidence and hope in the recipient. There is also risk involved when practicing the Biblical definition of trust because complete reliance requires surrender which feels vulnerable. Trusting God (i.e. surrendering) tends to be easier if it’s something I absolutely cannot control. I trust Him for the safety and health of my loved ones. But, how do I trust when I have the ability to control something? That’s when it becomes raw and vulnerable. It’s riskier. It’s easier to trust myself because I control my actions which lead to expected outcomes. I trust myself for my career because I know the choices I need to make to be successful. I trust myself for my health because I know the doctors or methods needed to bring healing. It feels proactive and good. After all, shouldn’t God be happy I am not bothering Him until absolutely necessary? It’s my beautiful framework of independence, always presented in such a positive light.
I desire safety when giving my trust. It’s ironic that in taking the biggest risk of losing safety by surrendering control to trust Jesus, I actually invite protection. There is refuge – sanctuary – in absolute trust. There is an image of God as a protective bird, providing safety for me under His wings (Psalm 91:4). He takes the burden of responsibility.
In surrendering, I am fully known (Nahum 1:7). This intimate understanding of my core is what allows me to be fully protected and safe. But it requires vulnerability…a momentary perceived lack of safety while fully surrendering – trusting – in order to gain unattainable refuge and security. I am known in my vulnerability. Yes, it sometimes feels like naïve confidence or impractical hope, but without the jump, the catch never occurs. And how am I confident I will be caught? How do I know I have not misplaced my trust? Faithfulness. I have been caught before. I have experienced these same feelings of unrest in the unknown manifesting itself in control and trust of self. And, I have been gently nudged by those wings of safety to embrace surrender through trust. Even when it doesn’t feel safe. Even when it doesn’t feel empowering. Even when it doesn’t feel sensible. Because truth must trump feelings, and my trust must be anchored in truth.
What is that truth? Peace, fulfillment, strength, purpose, and growth only exist when I fully trust Jesus with absolute abandon. Supreme surrender. Complete confidence. Radical reliance.
“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.” [Jeremiah 17:7-8]
My Mind Vortex 