Isolation

My natural inclination is to isolate.

If you know me at all, you know I am highly extroverted which means that isolating should be the last thing I am inclined to do. However, we often run away from truth when pride enters the picture. My pride often shows up in the way I interpret how to respond in various situations.

I determine my burdens are too much for others to handle…isolate.

My core being feels like an unknown, undesirable discovery…isolate.

Relationships do not feel safe or secure…isolate.

I commit an action which I think deserves intense feelings of shame and guilt…isolate.

I value independence over authentic vulnerability…isolate.

Thoughts of “should” outweigh reality…isolate.

Overwhelmed by fear or lack of confidence…isolate.

The list could go on, but the pattern is the same – a feeling or thought leads to a lie which leads to isolation. Isolation is how I enter into the darkness. It’s an escape – a distraction – from the pain of processing the truth. It’s allowing my mind vortex to pull me in and shut out any light which holds hope for freedom.

Why am I drawn to this darkness? This void of isolation? Because even though the truth will set me free, I cannot remove the chains by myself. If only I could find the truth on my own, I know it’s the key for unlocking the chains. But, it’s so dark in here, I am not sure I would know the difference between a chain of lies and the keys of truth. When I crack the door to let in a glimmer of Light, I feel hope. When I talk to the Light, the storm in my mind begins to calm. When others come into my space, it allows more Light to enter. When the door is fully open to the Light, the truth becomes easier to identify and believe. Only here, in the presence of the Light and the fellowship of those who have entered into the space, does the truth unlock the chains.

How can an extrovert have a natural inclination to isolate? When the deep relational sanctuary I love to provide to others becomes a gift that can only be given and not received. Believing this distortion leads to the path of isolation which is when I need to recognize and receive the gift of community as the healing path to freedom. It’s painful when the chains fall off. I am bruised underneath, cut and marked by the presence of carrying around those lies by myself. Yet, even wounds heal. They may scar, but scars are memories that remind us of when we chose Light over darkness. Vulnerability over pride. Truth over lies.

“But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.” 1 John 1:7