I want to reflect God’s nature in my feelings. At least my mind tells me that. But, how do I do that when the feelings are not present? God is faithful, but what if any faithfulness I once felt is absent? God is holy, but what if my desire for holiness consistently ends in a lack of self-discipline? God is gracious, but what if I don’t feel that grace applied or I abuse it, consistently taking advantage of its promise? God is steadfast and focused, but what if my exhaustion craves distraction over intentional pursuit? God is powerful, but what if the primary feeling I have related to my faith is weakness? God is constant, but what if my seasons of unmotivated disconnection are frequent?
In an effort to rebel against my feelings and not be driven by them, I have allowed my lack of emotion to influence discipline in my relationship with Jesus. Ironically, I am still being driven by my feelings…waiting for them to come, while knowing that their arrival will not lead to the sustainability I need. Reflecting God’s nature in my feelings does not mean I have the feelings. It means that I choose to exemplify His nature no matter how I feel. I choose to be faithful even if I don’t feel loyalty in the moment. I choose holiness, even if my flesh tells me I deserve to pursue my desires in the moment. I choose grace, even if my mind tells me there is none left for me in the moment. I choose steadfastness, even if it feels more satisfying to numb out in the moment. I choose to surrender my weakness, knowing His power is made perfect in the weakness of the moment. I choose consistency, even when habit is more prevalent than desire or motivation in the moment.
How does this happen in such a broken and forgetful person? Someone who consistently chooses self over surrender?
Through meditation – reflecting on who God is and what He has done in the past. Understanding His nature, consistent through generations, influences my position as a mirror to reflect that same nature through the power of the Holy Spirit. If I am not thinking about the One I am designed to reflect, I have rearranged the mirror to be focused on myself. God’s actions reflect His nature. I can be like Him, even if I don’t feel like He does in my moment of obedience. My faith must precede my feelings.
“I will reflect on all you have done and meditate on your actions.” Psalm 77:12
My Mind Vortex 