The End. I hate this phrase. It’s the finality in the fact that there will be no more forward movement and all that’s left are memories. The End. It robs any chance for hope and humans thrive on hope. I thrive on the idea that just maybe the story isn’t over and it will take an unexpected turn akin to a miracle and the ending will turn into the beginning of a different chapter. Instead, I find myself turning the last page of the book, scratching the cover and wishing there were more pages that indicate more chapters.
I know someone else is also reading the same book, but their reaction to the ending is unknown. Will they be thinking about the ending, replaying it over and over again in their head like I am? Are they revisiting every chapter and cherishing it even more knowing that the beautiful moments experienced will not be found at the end? Are they begging the Author to change the ending and write more chapters that create new beginnings? My reactions to the shock of the ending might not be the same as my fellow reader and the pain in that is not the potential difference of our reactions, but in simply not knowing. The ending means I am no longer in the story with this person anymore. I no longer know what this person is thinking or feeling. The ending means they are processing emotions on their own and I no longer have access to their thoughts about the story. There’s no more dreaming about the ending with them. No more experiencing each chapter with anticipation and excitement. No more leaving the book open and just resting on a page and hoping to freeze a moment in the journey. We are processing the same ending, but doing it alone and separately. The story that once intertwined our lives is now the one that forces disconnection. Love must be stifled in isolation because it now has an ending.
Yet, even though I would not have written this ending, I trust the Author. I choose to believe His storyline is best even if it causes pain for the characters in the story. He gives them choice and I choose to follow Him in each chapter and through each story because I know about a bigger story He has authored and that story has never failed. That story actually has an ending that gives hope. And I choose to hold onto the hope of that story when mine feels like it has come crashing to a hopeless end. I will always choose the Author because I trust His love for me. Even if my story includes immense pain and rejection. It might be an ending, but it’s not the end of my whole story. Because I am not alone, and as long as I have the Author, I know my story will include love.
“Consider it a great joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you experience various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.” James 1:2-4
My Mind Vortex 